


The Biter Bit

by whenyoudesertme (phrenk)



Category: Arashi (Band), Japanese Actor RPF, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-21
Updated: 2012-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-29 21:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrenk/pseuds/whenyoudesertme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "Who ate my (insert food here)?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Biter Bit

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted [here](http://whenyoudesertme.livejournal.com/24286.html). Thanks to kinoface for reading it over. ♥

(( _The Discovery of the Crime_ ))

Ohno hardly noticed Jun coming into the dressing room. They didn't get to be alone together nearly enough, even counting the times at work when they couldn't be comfortably intimate, but Ohno was distracted by the devastatingly empty container in front of him.

The couch dipped as Jun perched next to Ohno, peering at the bento box on the table like it could spill the secret of Ohno's staring.

"It's gone," Ohno said sadly.

"Still hungry? Need some more food, Leader?" Jun was as considerate as ever, but Ohno just slumped back onto the couch.

"I didn't eat it. But it's not there."

"Someone ate your food." Jun's voice was laced with anger at the thought. "Should I go get you something else?"

"I ate lunch," Ohno reassured him absently. "My mama's cream stew."

Jun leaned a little closer, expression easing. "How was it last night, being home? The house seemed very empty without you snoring on the sofa like an old man."

"It was all right." Ohno curled comfortably against Jun, still staring mournfully at the inexplicably empty box his mama had given him the night before. "It'll be good to be home tonight."

Jun's arm tightened around Ohno's shoulders. They sat silently for a moment, Ohno's brows drawn sharply together as he tried to move past this unexpected disappointment.

"What was in that?" Jun prompted gently, putting an inch of space between them as a nod to the unlocked door.

"Mochi. My mama's." Ohno could feel Jun stiffen and finally turned to look at him. Jun looked tired, he noticed first, and then he saw the suspicion.

"He was eating mochi earlier..." Jun said slowly.

"Hm," Ohno murmured, looking back to the empty box. Surely it wasn't worth getting worked up over Aiba or Sho forgetting to check the name and eating Ohno's mochi, even if he was upset. It wouldn't bring the food back, and Ohno felt himself start to feel better about the whole thing.

"I didn't even know Nino liked mochi, but--"

"Nino?" Ohno interrupted, forehead furrowing again. "Nino ate my mochi?"

"He probably didn't know it was yours." Even Jun didn't sound convinced.

Ohno pushed himself to the table and slapped a finger down on the lid, right on the SA of Satoshi. Aiba might get excited and not see it, and Sho might be reading three newspapers at once while he ate and miss it, but Nino didn't miss anything.

And he'd eaten it anyway.

Ohno nearly growled at the thought. He glared at the empty container, then softened abruptly. Even getting mad would just waste energy. He slumped back sleepily, conveniently erasing the proper inch Jun had put between them, and dropped his head onto Jun's shoulder.

"That's it?" Jun said, confused. "You're letting it go?"

Ohno shrugged, turning his head to breathe in Jun's scent. "I won't forgive him." The obstinate twist of his lips felt at odds with the drowsy drooping of his eyes, so he let it smooth away. Really, not forgiving Nino just meant trying not to laugh at his jokes, failing, and then forgetting why he was mad. Hardly worth the effort.

"You could do something. He's a little shit, you should--" Jun cut off when Ohno chuckled. "What?"

"So sweet, Jun-kun. Caring about the theft of my mochi."

Jun twitched. "You were looking forward to it, weren't you? And it's not like you can spare the calories, I can feel the weight dropping off you, don't think I can't. This drama, why did they--"

"How would I get revenge on Nino?" Ohno interrupted.

"I don't know." Jun sounded frustrated, but then Ohno felt him shifting around until his lap was pillowing Ohno's head. It didn't do much to motivate Ohno to revenge, but it was warm and comfortable. Ohno closed his eyes.

"You're our leader, right?" Jun said, a distinct tone of wheedling coming out. Ohno didn't bother to respond to that. "And the oldest? Our senpai, really. And you know he saw the name, right, Leader?"

It was soothing, lying down and listening to Jun's rambling. Ohno started to drift off to sleep.

"Plus, if you do nothing, won't he just do it again? And next time, it could be your mom's cream stew."

Ohno wrinkled his face up, irritated by caring again. "How would I get revenge on Nino?" he repeated, turning grumpily onto his side.

"You're creative, you'll think of something." Jun stroked Ohno's hair, then paused, as if knowing that it had Ohno reaching back to sleepiness instead of revenge. Instead, he pinched Ohno's ear, just enough to wake him up completely.

It worked. Ohno was almost disappointed in himself, because it would mean a lot of effort for some purloined mochi, but he did immediately think of something. He grunted irritably, then said, "I need a key."

"To Nino's place?" Jun was quiet a moment, then resumed stroking Ohno's hair. "Sho-kun has one."

"Mm." Ohno knew that Jun had one, too.

Jun dropped his hand down to rest warmly on Ohno's chest. "He gave it to me because he trusts me."

"And Sho-chan?"

Jun snorted. "I have faith that you can make Nino trusting Sho-kun a mistake."

Ohno smiled. Sho was a lovably easy mark. He said only, "We should have pasta tonight, hm, Jun-kun? Maybe eat on the sofa, watch Sho-chan on Zero..."

"Wait," Jun said firmly. "I want you actually to do whatever your plan is, Satoshi."

Ohno gave a rebellious wriggle of his shoulders at being put on the spot.

"If you don't do it by the end of the year, you have to shave off your eyebrows."

Ohno huffed out a laugh. Jun understood him too well. "By the end of the year. But tonight--"

"Don't worry about that, Leader. I'll take care of you."

Ohno wasn't sure what Jun meant by that, exactly, but it hardly mattered. It was true.

***

(( _The Plan Begins with Theft_ ))

A week later while standing in front of Nino's door, Ohno remembered that he had been supposed to ask Sho for the key. His shoulders drooped as he knocked his forehead against the door. He knew he should have written it down.

He called Sho, not at all hopeful that he'd be getting into Nino's apartment that day.

"Hello, Satoshi-kun?" At least it didn't sound like Sho was in a busy place, and answering his phone at all was a good sign.

"Sho-kun," Ohno sighed. "Could you come over to Nino's?" He left it at that, knowing his puppy-dog eyes didn't work as well over the phone.

Sho didn't reply for so long that Ohno thought he'd lost the call, but then he said, "Nino's? Are you there now?"

Hope blossomed, and Ohno left off bumping his forehead against the door. "Yes, could you come and--"

The door opened, and Ohno fell through.

Sho caught him. One hand was still decked in a slick, bright yellow glove, and Ohno jumped away, shuddering at its touch on his skin. He stared at Sho, caught completely off-guard, then went with it.

"Hey, Sho-kun. Thanks for letting me in."

"What are you doing here?" Sho said, edging his hands behind his back.

"Are you washing Nino's dishes?" Ohno asked innocently. "Scrubbing his tub? Cleaning out his--"

"The lady he pays to clean is sick," Sho said defensively. "She's been sick for weeks, and I just knew that he was living in filth, he was going to get sick himself, he wouldn't--"

Ohno moved off down the hall toward Nino's bedroom, letting Sho's voice fade behind him.

The door only opened so far before getting caught on a heap of laundry, and Ohno's eyes lit up. He poked around until he found Nino's laundry bag and promptly confiscated it for his own purposes. It was one thing Nino probably wouldn't even notice was gone.

"Satoshi-kun? What in the world are you doing?"

Ohno didn't look up from stuffing the sack full. "Taking these."

Sho sputtered. He started five different sentences before saying at last, "At least wash them first!"

Ohno tilted his head, considering. "I guess."

"And there are probably some more in those drawers."

Ohno grinned, back turned to the door. Sho was an accomplice who needed no convincing. "Which one, Sho-chan?" he asked, trying not to snicker when Sho immediately came in to help.

When the bag was full, they repaired to the laundry room, where Sho got the machine working with such ease that Ohno was sure he'd done Nino's laundry many times before. Once it was started, they looked at each other, and Sho started to back away.

"I should really get back to the dishes..."

"Take a break," Ohno said firmly. "I know where Nino hides his porn."

***

(( _The Confrontation_ ))

"Leader, what does this mean?" Nino asked, holding a note up accusingly.

"Mm, what does it say?" Ohno asked drowsily. He tried to lift his head from the couch, but with Aiba perched on his back, it felt like every part of his body was weighted down. It was all he could do to keep his eyes open.

"You wrote it!" He said in biting imitation, "'Thanks for contributing to my forthcoming art project.' How did you even get into my--J, did you--no. Sho-chan. I should have known that Leader wouldn't have written this with entirely correct kanji without your help."

"I cleaned your apartment, it evens out," Sho said shortly, face puffy from lack of sleep.

Nino harrumphed. "Have some coffee so I can yell at you properly."

"He's already had five cups," Jun said warningly.

"You're not the boss of me," Sho muttered, but Ohno didn't see him moving toward the coffee.

"I'd say that I demand my key back immediately," Nino started, gently for his scowling expression.

"Come and get it." Sho's scowl put Nino's to shame.

"But I feel certain this was a one-time offense," Nino finished magnanimously, scowl dropping away. "Thus I will lay all the blame on Leader where it belongs."

"Come and get it," Ohno growled in an uncanny imitation of Sho. There was a disbelieving silence before Sho laughed, scowl breaking open into a grin.

"Satoshi-kun, you're the worst," Sho said, tone completely reversing the meaning of his words. "And you know, if you don't have a key, that really doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah, why don't we have keys?" Aiba demanded. "Leader and I are very reliable."

Ohno snorted quietly. Aiba wouldn't get agreement from any of them on that one. Even so, he pasted a mournful expression on his face, prepared to back Aiba up until the end.

***

(( _The Plan Solidifies_ ))

Another week passed before Ohno even started on his project, but once he did, he went quickly. He talked of it on his radio show, though he converted it to a painting for that cause, and lost sleep ripping out seams and looking up patterns on the internet. He thought of calling his mother for help, but she'd be far too inquisitive just to answer a simple question.

He had barely any free time, and sometimes it felt ridiculous to put in all this effort over such a small thing, but most of the time he enjoyed it. He liked using his hands and making things. He liked sitting on the sofa and working while Jun read a book or snoozed next to him.

Plus, Jun wouldn't stop reminding Ohno that if he didn't get it done by December 31st, he'd lose his eyebrows. This had Ohno pouting, which usually had Jun coming over to press him into the cushions with a kiss.

All in all, it was as busy a December as Ohno'd ever had, but he was happy.

Still, when Aiba started to hint about a birthday party in the VS Arashi dressing room, Ohno felt exhausted at the very idea. He tried not to let it show on his face as Nino diplomatically evaded the question and Sho buried his face in a script.

"Have you looked at our schedules?" Jun asked, sounding bored as he flipped through a magazine.

"Yes," Aiba exclaimed triumphantly. "I have. And there is a hole in all of them two days before my birthday. A Masaki-shaped hole!"

"Wouldn't it be a party-shaped hole?" Nino asked.

"I'll do everything, I promise," Aiba started, but Jun scoffed.

"You absolutely will not for your own party, Aiba-chan."

Aiba grinned and twisted happily in his seat. "Yay!" He moved toward the door with a bounce in his step. "I'm going to the toilet!"

"That is an announcement truly worthy of excitement," Nino crabbed. "Maybe we should have the party there."

"Maybe we should, Nino-chan," Aiba said, eyes sparkling.

As the door closed behind Aiba, Nino laughed. "Stellar comeback. Well, J? What's the plan?"

Jun was squinting at his phone. "It looks like we really do have free time that Thursday, around five o'clock. We'll meet at Aiba-chan's; Sho-kun, you get the alcohol."

"Okay!" Sho said with a flashy thumbs-up.

"I'll order the food, and Nino, you're in charge of the cake."

Ohno was perfectly capable of not asking what he was supposed to do. He edged toward the pile of fishing magazines and hoped Jun wouldn't notice.

"And Leader?" Nino asked. Ohno's enthusiasm for his revenge doubled.

"Just make sure you have a present, Satoshi," Jun said briskly.

A plan flashed into Ohno's mind, and he let it float and spread there, not bothering to try to finalize it now. He didn't think he'd read the fishing magazine sitting right on top.

***

(( _The Night of the Finale_ ))

"Is it a fish?"

"No."

"Is it a radio-controlled car?"

"No."

Nino didn't seem to be tiring of guessing what was in the sparkly green bag supplied by Jun earlier that day. Ohno knew there were plastic bins in the closet from which emerged things like wrapping paper, gift-bags, and decorations for different holidays, but he left those to Jun.

The green sparkles were quite pretty, though.

"Is it a radio-controlled helicopter?"

"No."

"Is it a radio-controlled boat?"

With every question, Nino poked Ohno in the fleshiest part of his arm. Ohno considered faking losing his patience, but decided he'd rather not give in. Instead he gave Nino his blandest expression.

Aiba's breathy laughter entered the room before he did, and seconds later he was wedging himself next to Ohno on the couch.

"Jun-kun is already tipsy, Leader!"

Ohno smiled slightly, nodding. "I convinced him to pre-game the party, since we had a car coming to bring us over."

"How did you convince him?" Nino asked, always looking for a good advantage on people.

Ohno frowned at the idea of Nino stealing his tactics. Then he remembered they wouldn't work for Nino and grinned smugly. "With my body."

Aiba's laughter pealed out as Nino groaned, probably because it was an answer that was of no use to him. A mere second later Nino was crowding close, which had Aiba doing the same, and then they were both demanding more information about just what had transpired before the party.

"I hope you're not thinking of answering, Leader," Jun said sternly, coming around the couch to kneel by the low table with only the slightest of uncertain wobbles. Between his position and the subject at hand, Ohno was distracted, imagining, wishing abruptly that the party weren't only just starting but ending soon instead.

Nino griped, "So perverted, old man, your expression!"

Ohno deepened the leer comically, letting the ensuing laughter stem the potential frustration of having to wait hours to be alone with Jun again. His smile didn't take any effort, considering the cackling on his left (Nino, probably half at Jun), and the wheezing on his right (Aiba, less spiteful but just as happy).

Jun was laughing as well, face open and grin toothy. Ohno huffed out his own amusement.

"A hand with the food?" Sho called from the kitchen, sounding afflicted.

***

(( _The Reckoning_ ))

"Presents!"

"More shots first," Nino demanded, giving Aiba the stink-eye over the half-consumed cake.

"I second--I second shots," Jun said, listing to the left, toward Ohno. Ohno resisted the temptation to gather him in, wanting to see if he would drink enough to cuddle voluntarily in front of Arashi.

Instead he said mildly, "This is Aiba-chan's birthday party." He hiccuped loudly afterward, but he felt the point stood regardless.

"That," Sho said with great importance. "Is an excellent point." Ohno lurched closer to Sho, pleased by his new-found ally, but a hand tight on his wrist held him back. He looked around at Jun, who scowled at him, then let himself be pulled back into the warmth of Jun's body without regrets.

"Who first?" Nino asked brightly, throwing himself into the chosen plan. "Aiba-chan?"

"You first," Aiba laughed with demanding, flailing arms, not quite as drunk as Nino or Jun but needing no alcohol to be exuberant.

Nino shoved a plastic bag in Aiba's face, shouting birthday congratulations. Aiba cheered in turn, then said, "It's a bottle!"

"It's alcohol!" Nino yelled back.

Jun put in loudly by Ohno's ear, "Yeah!"

Ohno manfully tried not to laugh, but a pinch on his belly let him know that the shaking of his body had been registered.

"Guys," Sho said, sprawling on the floor. "Guys, there are neighbors, I think. Probably there are neighbors."

Aiba waved a hand. "They love me."

"Maybe not after this," Ohno said, eyes crinkling up happily.

"Leader next!" Aiba cried, grinning at him.

Ohno handed over the gift-bag, heart starting to beat faster.

"Is it a radio-controlled fish?" Nino asked, making a last-ditch effort.

Ohno shook his head slowly, feigning great disappointment in Nino's failure to guess. At Nino's defeated wail, Aiba laughed and pulled his present from the bag with a flourish. He discarded the contrasting light blue tissue-paper and stared at his gift.

He turned it over in his hands, then opened it up. "A quilt?"

"A very flashy quilt," Sho said, puzzled.

"A radio-controlled quilt," Nino whispered to himself, but his heart wasn't in it. He was staring at the quilt like light was dawning in his brain.

"Hey," Aiba said, finger landing heavily on one triangle of fabric. "I know this."

Sho scooted over and pointed at another triangle. "I know this one."

"I know _lots_ of them," Jun said smugly, head lolling forward onto Ohno's shoulder.

Nino stared at the gift a moment longer, then burst out, "You made Aiba-chan a quilt from my stolen underwear?"

"Yep."

Sho was laughing uncontrollably, tilting back to fall on the carpet, and Jun was chuckling evilly on the floor behind Ohno. Ohno smirked and moved over to sit against the couch so he could see everyone clearly, especially pleased with the dumbfounded expression on Nino's face. Aiba looked curiously thoughtful, though possibly the alcohol was kicking in.

Suddenly Nino's face smoothed out, leaving Ohno squinting suspiciously. Nino held up a hand. "Ah, just a second, Leader."

Ohno watched Nino head to the kitchen, disappointed that Nino was recovering so quickly. When Nino returned a moment later, he was holding a familiar bento box.

"I'm sorry I ate your mochi, Leader." He held out the box and bowed. Ohno took it, not needing to open it to know what was inside.

His mama's mochi.

He looked over at the underwear-quilt, which was decidedly not reversible.

He coughed. "Ah. Sorry I sewed all your underwear into a quilt."

Nino shrugged elegantly, moment of sincerity over. "That's all right, I had reserves."

Aiba swooped an arm out to point accusingly at Nino, daze broken. "He means he stole all of my underwear. Every single pair!"

"Half of them were mine anyway, and look, now you have all of my old stuff, here," Nino said, giving his former underwear an unconcerned pat.

Sho choked back his laughter and bolted upright. "That's why you stole all of my underwear, Aiba-chan!"

Ohno stared at Sho, then back to Aiba, then Nino, reversing the path of underwear theft. Clearly his busy schedule had made him oblivious to some important goings on in the past few weeks. Then he looked at Jun.

He decided to ask the logical question, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer already. "Then, did Sho-kun steal your underwear, Matsujun?"

"No one stole my underwear," Jun said, brows drawing together like he wasn't sure whether to be angered at the very thought or angered to be left out of an otherwise full-group activity.

"I ended the cycle of violence," Sho said haughtily.

"You mean you didn't want to piss Jun-kun off," Nino laughed.

"And bought all new underwear," Sho finished with dignity, as if Nino hadn't spoken at all.

"Ooh, let me see," Aiba said excitedly, reaching out. Sho slapped at his hands weakly, then relented, pulling the waistband of his jeans down enough to show a stripe of black.

"They're just the same as before," Aiba said, disappointed. "You've infected me with your boring underwear."

Sho started to sputter that he hadn't wanted to trade underwear with anyone, but Ohno interrupted.

"Wait. Then Nino isn't punished at all?" He didn't really mind after all this time, but it did seem to make all his effort for naught.

Jun stared at Ohno measuringly, then smirked. "Here, Leader."

Nino, unsuspecting, turned to Jun too late, and Jun grabbed a fistful of Aiba's chocolate cake and brought it down on Nino's head. He smeared it thoroughly into Nino's hair as Nino struggled and squawked, then held a threatening finger in Nino's face.

"You ate Leader's food. Take your punishment and shut up."

"Oh!" Aiba said abruptly, greatly excited. "Does this mean we're taking a group bath?"

There was a moment, then Sho asked, "What?" for all of them.

Aiba shrugged like it was obvious. "Nino's all messy, he needs to--"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I am perfectly comfortable," Nino said serenely, then flicked a quelling glance at a looming Jun. "By which I mean, I will wear the badge of my shame until rats come to nest in my hair, as is only proper."

Everyone stared at him with a varying mix of bewilderment and irritation. Then Ohno said brightly, feeling all debts were settled and it was time to move along and celebrate Aiba's birthday, "Group bath!"

Aiba echoed, with added joy, "Group bath!"

Ohno peered blearily at the underwear-quilt, remembering. "Ah, Aiba-chan, I lined the back with terry cloth."

Aiba paused uncomprehending for a moment, then gasped. "Giant Nino-underwear bath towel! Best birthday present ever, Leader!"

Ohno pumped a fist in the air victoriously.

// **Revenge Complete** //

***

\--(( _But the Party Continues_ ))

"But you still have two more presents," Sho said sadly, looking at his horrendously ugly, clearly self-wrapped gift.

"And we still need to do more shots," Nino said imperiously, looking over at Jun to share their agreement on this important fact, discord forgotten.

"Okay, okay," Aiba said, bubbly tone completely overpowering the lack of excitement in his words. "But group bath later, you can't wriggle out!"

"We won't be able to wriggle out of your tub, Aiba-chan, if all five of us squeeze in," Nino complained.

"I have filming later," Jun said suddenly, tone bordering on horrified at the realization. Ohno blinked heavily, having forgotten this very important information that Jun had instructed him to remember earlier.

Aiba was quiet a moment, then, "New plan! Operation Jun-chan needs to be sober soon, start!"

"Yay!" Nino said, grinning. "I'll get the water."

"Yay, water shots," Ohno said, trying to avoid Jun's accusing look.

"Part two of the plan--" Aiba darted over and draped his new quilt/towel over Jun, wrapping it tight around the stunned figure.

After a moment, Jun let out an undignified yelp. "That's made out of Nino's underwear, you idiot!"

"Yes," Aiba said proudly. "Underwear side down."

Jun flailed and thrust the offending fabric away. Aiba leaned over to peer at him, looking like he wished he had a magnifying glass, which gave Ohno an idea for his next birthday. "How are you feeling?"

After considering, Jun smiled wryly. "A little more sober."

"I knew it!"

"Your water, Emperor," Nino said grandly, deftly avoiding Aiba stumbling back to his spot on the floor to collapse onto Ohno's present.

With more capable people on the task he'd forgotten, and all of the alcohol and food and successful revenge in his system, Ohno started to drift off to sleep. Then a weight landed on him, surprising him into a winded noise.

"Leader, though we'll miss Jun-chan when he goes, I think four people can fit into my bath."

Ohno opened his eyes to find Aiba very close and shining with enthusiasm. There was only one possible response, so Ohno nodded and held out his hand, moving easily with Aiba when he was helped to his feet.

Aiba turned. "Thank you for the present, Jun-kun!"

"You didn't even open it yet," Jun grumbled, ignoring Sho pointing forlornly at his similarly unopened gift.

"Leader, I'll leave Sho-chan to you," Aiba said blithely, grabbing Nino by both arms. "Bye-bye, Matsujun! Good work today!"

Ohno started toward Sho with steady determination, but Sho stood of his own accord and grabbed the underwear-quilt. "I can go on my own, Satoshi-kun," he said fondly, face red from drinking. Ohno leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, feeling like such obedience should be rewarded, and Sho laughed and stumbled off to the bathroom behind Aiba manhandling Nino all the way.

"Oi, Satoshi-kun," Jun growled, then chuckled. "You forgot."

"Sorry, Jun-kun," Ohno said penitently.

Jun reached for a hand up, which Ohno supplied. Once standing he pulled Ohno close, wrapping him up and breathing him in. Ohno melted into Jun, feeling like he could fall asleep right there.

"That idiot's waiting on you, you know. Even numbers, you need to scrub someone's back."

Ohno scratched his nails down Jun's spine, pleased when Jun shivered. "I'll see you when you're done filming."

"Should I wake you up?" Jun asked suggestively, brushing his lips on Ohno's neck.

Practically, and a little playfully, Ohno replied, "You should definitely try."

Jun squeezed him tighter at what he surely perceived as a challenge, then let him go. "Have fun, Satoshi. I'll be home later."

"I'll see you then," Ohno promised, then headed to the bathroom so he could scrub whichever person's back Aiba said, putting off thoughts of his bed and all of its possibilities for later.

He skipped a little on the way, satisfied he'd be starting the new year with both eyebrows intact.


End file.
